How can we tell if it’s the real thing? Well, here are some important questions that will help you dissect the heart of the matter (and matters of the heart):
WHAT HAS DRAWN YOU TO THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Is it her bedroom voice, his bulging muscles, her pretty legs, his chinito eyes? If it’s the other person’s physical equipment that turns you on, then it’s just infatuation. But if you are drawn to the person because of his or her total personality – and not just the physical assets – then what you feel can possibly be love. True love overlooks physical imperfections, say, a receding hairline or a pimpled face, and focuses instead on what’s beneath the surface.
HOW MANY THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON ATTRACT YOU? You may say that you are in love because you are awed by her charming smile, her lovely hair, her whistle-bait figure, his sense of humor, his fashion flair, the way he shows his stuff on the dance floor. But think again. These may just be signs of infatuation. Because in true love, you will be attracted to most of the qualities of the person. You not only like the way he/she looks and talks, but also the way he/she views things and other people. In other words, you also value the person’s philosophy in life, lifestyle, and background.
HOW DID THE RELATIONSHIP BEGIN?
Was it love at first sight, a whirlwind romance, or a this-is-meant-to-be affair? Sad to say, there is no such thing as love at first sight. You may be struck by a person’s charisma on first meeting, but that does not mean that such feelings are love. Love, unlike infatuation, starts slowly with friendship that gradually becomes deeper and more committed as time goes by.
HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR PERSONALITY?
If you can’t eat, can’t think straight, then you must be in love . . . that is, in love with infatuation. Infatuation has a destructive effect on your personality. Meaning to say you become less efficient, less productive as a person. You forget to do your homework, you fail to help around the house, you are always late in school, or you bungle your work in the office. This is not so with true love. Unlike infatuation, love produces an organizing and constructive effect in your personality. You don’t day dream all day long, but find time to attend to your responsibilities. In real love, you are always eager to achieve something to prove that you are worthy of the other person’s love.
HOW DO YOU SEE EACH OTHER?
Does your life revolve around your special someone to the exclusion of your family and old friends? Do you regard him/her as faultless? Do you suddenly lose interest in things that used to excite you? If yes, then you’re just infatuated. In real love, your relationship with your beloved is just an addition to all the others you already have in former world. So you don’t drop your family at the sound of your beloved’s voice and footsteps, but instead knit these several threads of relationship to form a whole tapestry.
WHAT DOES DISTANCE DO TO THE RELATIONSHIP?
Infatuation can’t stand the test of time and distance. Once an infatuated couple becomes apart, the relationship dies a natural death because it can’t stand the stress of separation. On the other hand, real love can survive distance and even makes the heart grow fonder, not colder. Why so? Because there’s always that feeling of inadequacy unless the other is around. Something is missing, and you long to be reunited with your beloved (and hey, no eye keeps roving when one is
genuinely in love).
WHAT IS THE EFFECT OF JEALOUSY?
Will you chop your partner into pieces because you just can’t stand losing him/her to another person? Another sign of infatuation is possessiveness – you want to keep the other person wholly to yourself. Now you may think that jealousy is a true measure of love. Well, it’s not. The more jealous you are, the more likely you are infatuated. Real love has its share of jealousy, yes, but it’s less frequent and less severe. It involves trust so there’s really no need to be possessive. So don’t knock down your partner unconscious each time he/she for instance, chats with someone else.
HOW DO QUARRELS AFFECT THE RELATIONSHIP?
You will know if it’s infatuation if, in some instances, you find yourselves disagreeing on many things, and the few things you have in common suddenly lose their magic. In this case, you might as well kiss the relationship goodbye. True love can absorb a great deal of strain because the persons involved have so many vital things on common, enough to sustain the relationship, even after a minor – or major spat.
HOW DO YOU REFER TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Do you often use the pronouns I, me, my, she, her, he, him, his, instead of we, us, our, when talking about your partner and your relationship? There you go: you are infatuated. You’ll know it’s not love when you says words like “He did this,” “I remembered that,” or “It happened to me (or her)” rather than “We did this,” “We
remembered that,” or “It happened to us.” Much of how you refer to your relationship will reveal if you have come to think of yourself as part of a couple, which is the case of real love. Two persons, who have found love, think and feel they are no longer separate entities because, in principle, they have become one.
WHAT IS YOUR OVERALL ATTITUDE?
If you view your relationship as a means of receiving expensive gifts, escaping a bad home, climbing the corporate ladder, or well, getting laid, then your overall attitude points to mere infatuation. You are just using the other person to attain
your goals. Real love is devoid of such selfishness. It urges you to share, not to take. When you are in love, you want your beloved to be happy as you are. And the more you give love away, the more of it you will receive.
